An analysis of Character Introduction using Hemingway's "Across the River and into the Trees" with two newly discovered methods.

This is an analysis of character introductions used by Hemingway in  Across the River and into the Trees.

Notice that in addition to the five kinds of character introductions covered earlier, two new techniques are utilized: Thought and Dialogue. These new methods are used thirteen times! – Thought seven and Dialogue six times. 
Action is used four times, Setting twice and Straightforward twice. 

With focus on the shooter and from how he is described, it appears this character possess the following traits:

competitive 

determined

intrepid

easily offended by criticism. 

innovative

very decisive 

terse and direct

easily irritated by the lazy or standoffish natures

is happy to force work on another to get what he wants 

likely ex-military 

possess high ideals 

considerate of possibilities

believes in a sense of fair play 

methodical

considers the safety of others

modest

pragmatic

careful

adaptable

self controlled

has some insecurity

possess a traditional value system

thinker

planner

The analysis:

They started two hours before daylight. 

This shows the character is a determined sportsman. (Time and Place)

Now, the sixth boat turned south into a shallow lagoon.

This shows the character is intrepid because he takes a path the other boats don’t. (Action)

“Be careful,” the poler in the stern said. “Don’t tip the boat over.” “I am a boatman, too,” the shooter said.

This shows that the poler doesn’t think much of the shooter while the shooter is easily offend by criticism. ( Dialogue)

Holding the blade he reached forward and punched the handle through the ice. 

This shows the shooter is innovative when confronting problems – in contrast to the poleman, who later on uses the blade part to break the ice. (Action) 

“What do you mean, as I wish? You know the water. Is thee water to carry us there?” 

This shows the shooter is terse and easily irritated by lazy or standoffish people. (Dialogue)

“It will be daylight before we get there if we don’t hurry.”

This shows the shooter is decisive. (Dialogue) 

All right you surly jerk, the shooter thought to himself. We are going to get there. We’ve made two-thirds of the way now and if you are worried about having to work to break ice to pick up birds, that is altogether too bad.“Get your back in it, jerk,” he said in English.

This shows, once again, that he dislikes passive resistance or laziness and is happy to force work on another to get what he wants while still displaying some self control by cursing the poler in a language he can’t understand. (Thought and Dialogue)

The shooter, wearing his hip boots and an old combat jacket, with a patch on the left shoulder that no one understood, and with the slight light patches on the straps, where stars had been removed.

This shows he might be ex-military and possibly angry about something because of the removed stars from the strap. (Straightforward)

The shooter was thirsty from the hard work of breaking the ice and driving the boat in and he felt his anger rise, and then held it, and said, “Can I help you in the boat to break ice to put out the decoys?”

This shows he gets irritated when someone doesn’t help or do his job. It also shows he is able to corral his anger enough to keep it in and is even considerate enough to offer help to the one who is angering him.  (Setting and Straightforward)

He’s in a beautiful mood, the shooter thought. He’s a big brute, too. I worked like a horse coming out here. He just pulled his weight and that’s all. What the hell is eating him? This is his trade isn’t it.

This shows the shooter has a sense of fair play, and is upset when this is not displayed by others. He also has an open mind to the possibilities that another may have reasons for their behaviour. (Thought)

He arranged the shooting stool so he would have the maximum swing to the left and right … so he could reach in easily…he loaded both his guns and checked the position of the boat that was putting out the decoys”

This shows the shooter is a planner and is mindful of the danger the poler is in. (Action) 

“then without looking at the result of his shot he raised the gun smoothly”

This shows he is methodical, efficient and possibly modest because he doesn’t stop to admire his work with the first shot and maximizes his time when trying to hit the other duck. (Action)

He knew he had shot carefully on the first duck…and on the second duck…to be sure the boat was out of any line of fire…with complete consideration and respect for the position of the boat, and he felt very good as he reloaded.

This shows that he is methodical and avoids recklessness.  (Thought)

“I will indeed.”

This shows the shooter has self control because he keeps his anger in and is able to say things counter to his actions. (Thought)

“Get you decoys out,” he called to the man in the boat. “But get them out fast. I won’t shoot until they are all out. Except straight overhead”

This shows the shooter is directive and pragmatic and can adapt to the situation without sacrificing potential gain. (Dialogue)

I can’t figure it, the shooter thought to himself. He knows the game. He knows I split the work, or more, coming out. I never shot a safer or more careful duck in my life than that. What’s the matter with him? I offered to put the dekes out with him. The hell with him.

Here me doth protest too much, which suggest there is an indication that the shooter may be insecure about something. Once again he is a person who expects reciprocity from others and is easily annoyed when others don’t live up to expectations. (Thought)

Don’t let him spoil it, the shooter told himself.

This shows he is capable of emotional self control. (Thought)

You probably will only have a few birds, so don’t let him spoil it for you. You don’t know how many more times you will shoot ducks and do not let anything spoil it for you.

This shows he uses forethought and plans ahead and capable of managing his internal thoughts. He also appears to be worried about the future. (Thought)

Feel free to generate a character introduction using the two new techniques: Thought and Dialogue.

Character Introduction Finale

As a finale to character introduction, the following Thomas Wolfe passage from “Look Homeward, Angel” is an example that incorporates four of the five methods discussed;  (1) straightforward, (2) character action, (3) report, (4) setting.

“Enormous humor flowed from him like crude light. Men who had never known him seethed with internal laughter when they saw him, and roared helplessly when he began to speak. Yet, his physical beauty was astonishing. His head was like that of a wild angel – coils and whorls of living golden hair flashed from his head, his features were regular, generous, and masculine, illuminated by the strange inner smile of idiot ecstasy.  

His broad mouth, even when stammering irritability or nervousness clouded his face, was always cocked for laugher – unearthly, exultant, idiot laughter. There was in him demonic exuberance, a wild intelligence that did not come from the brain. Eager for praise, for public esteem, and expert in ingratiation, he was possessed by this demon utterly at the most unexpected moments, in the most decorous surroundings, when he was himself doing all the power to preserve the good opinion in which he was held.

 Thus listening to an old lady of the church, who with all her power of persuasion and earnestness was unfolding the dogma of Presbyterianism to him, he would lean forward in an attitude of exaggerated respectfulness and attention, one broad hand clenched about his knee, while he murmured gentle agreement to what she said:

 “Yes?…Ye-e-es?…Ye-e-e-es?…Ye-e-es?…Is that right?…Ye-e-es?”

Suddenly the demonic force would burst in him. Insanely tickled at the cadences of his agreement, the earnest placidity and oblivion of the old woman, and the extravagant pretence of the whole situation, his face flooded with wild exultancy, he would croon in a fat luscious bawdily suggestive voice:

“Y-ah-s?…Y-a-h-s?…Y-ah-s?…Y-ah-s?

And when at length too late she became aware of this drowning flood of demonic nonsense, and paused, turning an abrupt startled face to him, he would burst into a wild “Whah-whah-whah-whah” of laughter, beyond all reason, with strange throat noises, tickling her roughly in the ribs.”

Examine the book you are currently reading and enter the author’s version of character introduction. Identify what method(s) they use. Please mention other versions of character introduction you discover.

Five Weeks of Character Introductions: Part Five.

Introduction Through Time or Place

The fifth way of introduction is by situating the character in a time or place – in a setting.

The opening paragraph of Robert Stone’s “A Flag for Sunrise” demonstrates this method:

“Father Egan left off writing, rose from his chair and made his way—a little unsteadily—to the bottle of Flor de Cana which he had placed across the room from his desk. The study in which he worked was lit by a Coleman lamp; he had turned the mission generators off to save kerosene. The shutters were open to receive the sea breeze and the room was cool and pleasant. At Freddy’s Chicken Shack up the road a wedding party was in progress and the revelers were singing along with the radio form Puerto Alvarado, marking the reggae beat with their own steel drums and crockery.” (p. 3)

Notice that this introduction relies on the character’s circumstances rather than a description of him or direct access to his thoughts. There is no physical description of the Father – we only know that he has been drinking, he is alone and  living in a Third World seaside mission far from his home country and cut off from any intellectual stimulation. 

How do we know these things?

(1) We know he is an intellect living in a place with few intellectuals because he is a priest and is writing and it is in a Third World country.

(2) We know he is conscious of his drinking and that he is attempting self restraint otherwise the bottle would be on the table beside him since he forces himself to walk over to the wine.

(3) He is shrewd because he is only using a Coleman lamp.

Think of your character and identify three traits. Try writing an introduction using this setting method that reveals these three traits through showing writing and post it in the comment section below. 

Five Weeks of Character Introductions: Part Four

Part Four- Introduction by Report


In this method a character is introduced through the eyes of another character. Think of how Nick Carraway in the Great Gatsby describes Gatsby or William Faulkner’s unnamed first person narrator introduces Miss Emily in his story “A Rose for Emily” as shown in the following:

When Miss Emily Grierson died, our whole town went to her funeral: the men through a sort of respectful affection for a fallen monument, the women mostly out of curiosity to see the inside of her house, which no one save an old man-servant—a combined gardener and cook—had seen in at least ten years. (, p. 119)

            

This is followed by other paragraphs in which characters describe Miss Emily’s history, her standoffish behaviour and her physical appearance.

Now write your version of character introduction using this method.

Five Weeks of Character Introductions - Part 3.

Part 3 : Introduction of a Character using Direct Address to the Reader.

In this method the character directly address the reader.  

Three well known books that use this method are:  Moby Dick, The Great Gadsby and Huckleberry Finn.

Here is an example from Kate Christensen’s The Epicure’s Lament:

All the lonely people indeed. Whoever they are, I’ve never been one of them. The lack of other people is a balm. It’s the absence of strain and stress. I understand monks and hermits, anyone who takes a vow of silence or lives in a far-flung cave. And I hoped to live this way for the rest of my life, whatever time is left to me. (p. 3)

Notice that this passages tells the reader the character is literate and educated; he prefers his own company to others; he harbours an active hostility to other people; and he is a fatalist.

The strength in this kind of introduction lies within the first person narrative; we’re hearing an individual tell us their stories in a way that only they can describe.  Even though we don’t know what they look like or what they are doing, we know we are in direct contact with a unique individual and are already aware of some of their most intimate thoughts.

Now its your turn. Write your character introduction using this method and post it in the comments section below.

Five Weeks of Character Introductions - Part 2.

Part 2: Showing the Character in Action.

This type of opening is dynamic; the character is in action and his senses are open to description. 

Here is an example taken from the first two pages of Light by Eva Figes.

• The sky was still dark when he opened his eyes and saw it through the uncurtained window. He was upright within seconds, out of the bed and had opened the window to study the signs. It looked good to him, the dark just beginning to fade slightly, midnight blueblack growing grey and misty, through which he could make out the last light of a dying star. It looked good to him, a calm pre-dawn hush without a breath of wind, and not a shadow of cloud in the high clear sky. He took a deep breath of air, heavy with night scents and dew on earth and foliage. His appetite for the day thoroughly aroused, his elated mood turned to energy, and he was into his dressing room, into the cold bath which set his skin tingling, humming an unknown tune under his breath. (pp. 1–2) 

Notice in these six sentences how all five senses are evoked: sight; touch; sight and touch; sight then sound then touch and sight; smell and touch; taste then touch then touch then touch then touch then sound.

Also note that in this type of introduction the character's thoughts are described. 

Finally, notice that we learn nothing of his physical appearance like we did in the first method of character introduction. 

Now write your character introduction using this method and post it in the comments section below. 

Five Weeks of Character Introductions - Part 1.

Taking a break from the S&W train of instruction, the next five weeks will focus on character introduction. Each week will deal with one method that can be used to introduce a character into the narrative you are writing.

Method One:  The Straightforward Description

Here is the introductory piece introducing the main character of Joseph Conrad’s Lord Jim. 

“He was an inch, perhaps two, under six feet, powerfully built, and he advanced straight at you with a slight stoop of the shoulders, head forward, and a fixed from-under stare which made you think of a charging bull. His voice was deep, loud, and his manner displayed a kind of dogged self-assertion which had nothing aggressive in it. It seemed a necessity, and it was directed apparently as much at himself as at anybody else. He was spotlessly neat, appareled in immaculate white from shoes to hat, and in the various Eastern ports where he got his living as a ship-chandler’s water-clerk he was very popular. (p. 1)

Notice that this character is being introduced to us from the outside in. We’re seeing how he appears to other people, not how he seems to himself.

Now its your turn to use this method. You can either go back to your original work, developing one of the characters from it, or come up with a completely new one for a different story altogether. Just make sure you stick to the above method of straightforward description from the outside in and be economical with your words as Conrad shows above. 

Revise, Rewrite, Overwrite, Overstate.

Now that we have analyzed how some writers use concrete nouns and verbs, lets move to the next four suggestions from S&W.

(1) Revise and Rewrite all your work. We have already performed this task, but now look at the piece you posted a few weeks ago and reread it with an eye for flaws in arrangement that call for transpositions. Experiment with what you have written and see if your sentences can be moved around for greater effect.

(2) Do not overwrite. Eliminate all ornate and hard to digest prose. With a rest and a break from writing, you will find it easy to pick out and expurgate all those "sickly-sweet words and the overblown phrases".

(3) Do note overstate. "A single carefree superlative has the power to destroy, for your readers, the object of your enthusiasm." Superlatives are excessive adverbs and adjectives. For example, the words bravest, healthiest, weakest or most fiercely, most recently, most interesting wear on reader tolerance.  Superlatives are sometimes used in comedy; The Lego Movie's dialogue uses many superlatives to comic effect; however, if you are writing a serious piece, it's likely a superlative will only diminish your work. 

For a laugh here is an example of superlative use from the Lego Movie. 

Lego Movie Clip

"One day, a talented lass or fellow, a special one with face of yellow, will make the Piece of Resistance found from it's hiding refuge underground, and with a noble army at the helm, this Master Builder will thwart the Kragle and save the realm, and be the greatest, most interesting, most important person of all times."

Now pick another page from the book you are reading and post in the comment section if the writer is guilty of overwriting or overstating.  

Do Bukowski and Other Famous Authors Follow S&W's Suggestion on Using Concrete Nouns and Verbs?

Here is a quick exercise.

Pick one page from Post Office and one page from another author you are reading.

Count the total number of nouns and the total number of verbs. Then make a decision on whether each is a concrete or a weak noun and verb and the see what ratio you get between the two authors. The ratio is concrete nouns/total nouns and descriptive verbs/ total verbs. Pick a page with little much dialogue.

For example: 

(1) Postoffice page 109

Nouns:  thing, tits, ass, window, days, Christmas, Betty, room, 8:45, morning, roomer, fifth, wine, vodka, whiskey, scotch, brands, bottles, room, fools, stuff, Betty, look, children, scrubwoman, hotel, clothes, ankles, shoes, Wild-eyed, coming, husband, wreck, death, Connecticut, help, stuff, bottle, bottles, Betty, room, floor, chair, window, traffic, sake, stuff.

18/47.  His ratio of concrete to total nouns is 38

Verbs: burned, thrown, thought, was being, stopped, was sitting, drunk, did look, seemed, had given, was, filled, do know, drink, will kill, looked, saw, had, came, wrote, was, had met, had been, fitting, had been, laughing, coming, divorced, was, burning, tame, told, was, had help, listen, said, take, will give, will drink, leave, said, did look, was, sat, watching, walked, am, have got, take, said, leaned, kissed.

3/52. His ratio of descriptive verbs is 5

So we can conclude Bukowshi doesn't follow S&W's suggestion to use descriptive verbs and somewhat relies on concrete nouns.

(2) Look Homeward, Angle by Thomas Wolfe page 109

Nouns: frantic, grievances, story, service, Eliza, voice, thing, phone, place, nigger, crowd, boarders, word, thanks, hysteria, moment, humour, gotohell, Eugene, fits, laughter, soup, burlesque, collar, trousers, floor, Eliza, dinner, meal, table, night, Gant, Eliza, home, desire, need, more, jibes, Gant, Barn, boarders, animation, clatter, plates, clamour, talk, Gant, Luke, extension, life, movement, excitement, life, party, solicitation, boarders, piano, touch, soprano, repertory, songs, Eugene, nights, summer, boarders, "I Wonder Who's Kissing Her Now", Gant, "Love Me and the World Is Mine", "Till the Sands of the Desert Grow Cold", "Dear Old Girl the Robin Sings Above You", "The End of the Perfect Day", "Alexander's Ragtime Band", Luke, house, weeks, success, High School Minstrels, dark, Gant, porch, voice, neighbourhood, boarders, eloquence, solution, problems, state, opinion, news, gentlemen, navy, action"

40/92. His ratio of concrete nouns is 43.

Verbs: reciting, telling, let, go, is, is, go, work, know, do, said, serving, would die, admit, hear, say, get, said, laughing, crossed, get, squealed, going, is, said, touched, torn, undid, sliding, gilling, continued, grinning, hoped, was, went, help, ate, went, serve, satisfied, giving, was, stimulated, excited, needed, wanted, sang, thumping, singing, remembered, assembled, demanded, practiced, sung, rocking, would hold, carrying, held, did do, sank"

21/60. His descriptive verb ratio is 35.

So we can conclude Thomas Wolfe does follow what S&W suggestion to use descriptive verbs and concrete nouns.

Now its your turn. Post you example in the comment section below.

A place to explain your revision based on previous Nouns and Verbs post

If you feel like it this spot is where you place your reasons for your Noun and Verb revisions.

Suitable designs with Nouns and Verbs.

The next two S&W suggestions ask the writer to create his work from a suitable design and use nouns and verbs effectively.

Since we have already focused on the writing style found in Postoffice, we have cleared the first hurdle. 

Obviously, if you are writing something different, like a biography, the design will be different because that type of writing requires extensive research and assimilation of vast amounts of double-checked facts from numerous sources.  And additionally, you must decide on how to present the chronology.

But even when writing narrative you still need to be mindful of structure. The four main structures in narrative are as follows:

(1) Linear; the story starts at one point in time and continues until its conclusion or the story starts at its end and works backward to the beginning.

(2) Circular; the story starts in one place and then makes a vast circuit such that the ending occurs at the same location as the beginning – the start and end can be geographic, psychologic, moralistic, etc.

(3) Frame (flash-back); the story moves back and forth in time as it moves from the beginning to the end.

(4) Combinations of Linear, Circular and Frame.

In the end you must have a goal for your writing. Just as in life, goals are important and without them it's unlikely you will ever get anywhere, much less know in which direction to travel.

The second suggestion S&W mention involves writing with nouns and verbs. 

Use accurate nouns and verbs. This require that you think hard about what nouns and verbs to use in describing the scene before add adjectives and adverbs.

First pretend that only the noun and verb exist. This forces the writer to use more concrete and accurate nouns and verbs because there is no recourse to their helpers.

Instead of writing "The ship arrived into port" which is basically a telling sentence. You develop the first noun by making  it more concrete; so ship becomes schooner or ironsides or Andrea Gail. Next the verb arrived becomes ploughed or cleaved or limped or lurched and  port changes to sanctuary or defeat or obscurity.

After this is complete, then the adjectives and adverbs are added, followed by important subordinate phrases and clauses, metaphors and similes, etc.

Your job now is to go back to the written piece you submitted and rewrite it using more concrete nouns and verbs to see if it improves the descriptive narrative. 

Post the revised version in the comment section below.