Five Weeks of Character Introductions - Part 2.

Part 2: Showing the Character in Action.

This type of opening is dynamic; the character is in action and his senses are open to description. 

Here is an example taken from the first two pages of Light by Eva Figes.

• The sky was still dark when he opened his eyes and saw it through the uncurtained window. He was upright within seconds, out of the bed and had opened the window to study the signs. It looked good to him, the dark just beginning to fade slightly, midnight blueblack growing grey and misty, through which he could make out the last light of a dying star. It looked good to him, a calm pre-dawn hush without a breath of wind, and not a shadow of cloud in the high clear sky. He took a deep breath of air, heavy with night scents and dew on earth and foliage. His appetite for the day thoroughly aroused, his elated mood turned to energy, and he was into his dressing room, into the cold bath which set his skin tingling, humming an unknown tune under his breath. (pp. 1–2) 

Notice in these six sentences how all five senses are evoked: sight; touch; sight and touch; sight then sound then touch and sight; smell and touch; taste then touch then touch then touch then touch then sound.

Also note that in this type of introduction the character's thoughts are described. 

Finally, notice that we learn nothing of his physical appearance like we did in the first method of character introduction. 

Now write your character introduction using this method and post it in the comments section below. 

Five Weeks of Character Introductions - Part 1.

Taking a break from the S&W train of instruction, the next five weeks will focus on character introduction. Each week will deal with one method that can be used to introduce a character into the narrative you are writing.

Method One:  The Straightforward Description

Here is the introductory piece introducing the main character of Joseph Conrad’s Lord Jim. 

“He was an inch, perhaps two, under six feet, powerfully built, and he advanced straight at you with a slight stoop of the shoulders, head forward, and a fixed from-under stare which made you think of a charging bull. His voice was deep, loud, and his manner displayed a kind of dogged self-assertion which had nothing aggressive in it. It seemed a necessity, and it was directed apparently as much at himself as at anybody else. He was spotlessly neat, appareled in immaculate white from shoes to hat, and in the various Eastern ports where he got his living as a ship-chandler’s water-clerk he was very popular. (p. 1)

Notice that this character is being introduced to us from the outside in. We’re seeing how he appears to other people, not how he seems to himself.

Now its your turn to use this method. You can either go back to your original work, developing one of the characters from it, or come up with a completely new one for a different story altogether. Just make sure you stick to the above method of straightforward description from the outside in and be economical with your words as Conrad shows above. 

Revise, Rewrite, Overwrite, Overstate.

Now that we have analyzed how some writers use concrete nouns and verbs, lets move to the next four suggestions from S&W.

(1) Revise and Rewrite all your work. We have already performed this task, but now look at the piece you posted a few weeks ago and reread it with an eye for flaws in arrangement that call for transpositions. Experiment with what you have written and see if your sentences can be moved around for greater effect.

(2) Do not overwrite. Eliminate all ornate and hard to digest prose. With a rest and a break from writing, you will find it easy to pick out and expurgate all those "sickly-sweet words and the overblown phrases".

(3) Do note overstate. "A single carefree superlative has the power to destroy, for your readers, the object of your enthusiasm." Superlatives are excessive adverbs and adjectives. For example, the words bravest, healthiest, weakest or most fiercely, most recently, most interesting wear on reader tolerance.  Superlatives are sometimes used in comedy; The Lego Movie's dialogue uses many superlatives to comic effect; however, if you are writing a serious piece, it's likely a superlative will only diminish your work. 

For a laugh here is an example of superlative use from the Lego Movie. 

Lego Movie Clip

"One day, a talented lass or fellow, a special one with face of yellow, will make the Piece of Resistance found from it's hiding refuge underground, and with a noble army at the helm, this Master Builder will thwart the Kragle and save the realm, and be the greatest, most interesting, most important person of all times."

Now pick another page from the book you are reading and post in the comment section if the writer is guilty of overwriting or overstating.  

Do Bukowski and Other Famous Authors Follow S&W's Suggestion on Using Concrete Nouns and Verbs?

Here is a quick exercise.

Pick one page from Post Office and one page from another author you are reading.

Count the total number of nouns and the total number of verbs. Then make a decision on whether each is a concrete or a weak noun and verb and the see what ratio you get between the two authors. The ratio is concrete nouns/total nouns and descriptive verbs/ total verbs. Pick a page with little much dialogue.

For example: 

(1) Postoffice page 109

Nouns:  thing, tits, ass, window, days, Christmas, Betty, room, 8:45, morning, roomer, fifth, wine, vodka, whiskey, scotch, brands, bottles, room, fools, stuff, Betty, look, children, scrubwoman, hotel, clothes, ankles, shoes, Wild-eyed, coming, husband, wreck, death, Connecticut, help, stuff, bottle, bottles, Betty, room, floor, chair, window, traffic, sake, stuff.

18/47.  His ratio of concrete to total nouns is 38

Verbs: burned, thrown, thought, was being, stopped, was sitting, drunk, did look, seemed, had given, was, filled, do know, drink, will kill, looked, saw, had, came, wrote, was, had met, had been, fitting, had been, laughing, coming, divorced, was, burning, tame, told, was, had help, listen, said, take, will give, will drink, leave, said, did look, was, sat, watching, walked, am, have got, take, said, leaned, kissed.

3/52. His ratio of descriptive verbs is 5

So we can conclude Bukowshi doesn't follow S&W's suggestion to use descriptive verbs and somewhat relies on concrete nouns.

(2) Look Homeward, Angle by Thomas Wolfe page 109

Nouns: frantic, grievances, story, service, Eliza, voice, thing, phone, place, nigger, crowd, boarders, word, thanks, hysteria, moment, humour, gotohell, Eugene, fits, laughter, soup, burlesque, collar, trousers, floor, Eliza, dinner, meal, table, night, Gant, Eliza, home, desire, need, more, jibes, Gant, Barn, boarders, animation, clatter, plates, clamour, talk, Gant, Luke, extension, life, movement, excitement, life, party, solicitation, boarders, piano, touch, soprano, repertory, songs, Eugene, nights, summer, boarders, "I Wonder Who's Kissing Her Now", Gant, "Love Me and the World Is Mine", "Till the Sands of the Desert Grow Cold", "Dear Old Girl the Robin Sings Above You", "The End of the Perfect Day", "Alexander's Ragtime Band", Luke, house, weeks, success, High School Minstrels, dark, Gant, porch, voice, neighbourhood, boarders, eloquence, solution, problems, state, opinion, news, gentlemen, navy, action"

40/92. His ratio of concrete nouns is 43.

Verbs: reciting, telling, let, go, is, is, go, work, know, do, said, serving, would die, admit, hear, say, get, said, laughing, crossed, get, squealed, going, is, said, touched, torn, undid, sliding, gilling, continued, grinning, hoped, was, went, help, ate, went, serve, satisfied, giving, was, stimulated, excited, needed, wanted, sang, thumping, singing, remembered, assembled, demanded, practiced, sung, rocking, would hold, carrying, held, did do, sank"

21/60. His descriptive verb ratio is 35.

So we can conclude Thomas Wolfe does follow what S&W suggestion to use descriptive verbs and concrete nouns.

Now its your turn. Post you example in the comment section below.

A place to explain your revision based on previous Nouns and Verbs post

If you feel like it this spot is where you place your reasons for your Noun and Verb revisions.

Suitable designs with Nouns and Verbs.

The next two S&W suggestions ask the writer to create his work from a suitable design and use nouns and verbs effectively.

Since we have already focused on the writing style found in Postoffice, we have cleared the first hurdle. 

Obviously, if you are writing something different, like a biography, the design will be different because that type of writing requires extensive research and assimilation of vast amounts of double-checked facts from numerous sources.  And additionally, you must decide on how to present the chronology.

But even when writing narrative you still need to be mindful of structure. The four main structures in narrative are as follows:

(1) Linear; the story starts at one point in time and continues until its conclusion or the story starts at its end and works backward to the beginning.

(2) Circular; the story starts in one place and then makes a vast circuit such that the ending occurs at the same location as the beginning – the start and end can be geographic, psychologic, moralistic, etc.

(3) Frame (flash-back); the story moves back and forth in time as it moves from the beginning to the end.

(4) Combinations of Linear, Circular and Frame.

In the end you must have a goal for your writing. Just as in life, goals are important and without them it's unlikely you will ever get anywhere, much less know in which direction to travel.

The second suggestion S&W mention involves writing with nouns and verbs. 

Use accurate nouns and verbs. This require that you think hard about what nouns and verbs to use in describing the scene before add adjectives and adverbs.

First pretend that only the noun and verb exist. This forces the writer to use more concrete and accurate nouns and verbs because there is no recourse to their helpers.

Instead of writing "The ship arrived into port" which is basically a telling sentence. You develop the first noun by making  it more concrete; so ship becomes schooner or ironsides or Andrea Gail. Next the verb arrived becomes ploughed or cleaved or limped or lurched and  port changes to sanctuary or defeat or obscurity.

After this is complete, then the adjectives and adverbs are added, followed by important subordinate phrases and clauses, metaphors and similes, etc.

Your job now is to go back to the written piece you submitted and rewrite it using more concrete nouns and verbs to see if it improves the descriptive narrative. 

Post the revised version in the comment section below.